RESEARCH

In this link below there's a YouTube videos explaining our research and what we will do to complete our research.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WXNCEVpeiI







I've gained a lot of experience from improvising with my group about our play 'Thanatos'. The play was changed from 'The Pillowman' to 'Thanatos' due to copyrights. 'Thanatos' is a Greek word for death.

For me to be able to know my character better and be able to act my best as a depressed character who his thoughts are always suicide, I need to do research about my character's emotions and the play as well. My research for my character and 'The Pillowman' are;

Research;

1. Suicide Rates

2. Research about suicide

3. How it feels to be depressed

4. How do they end up in that position

5. Read some of their stories - actual people that are going through what my character is going, to be able to know how to perform it to the best ability

6. Watch videos on YouTube, and see how they explain their story, and observe their emotions at all times

7. Solutions of how they can change their problems and start living a normal life

8. Research Mental Health Problems

9. Who wrote the actual play 'The Pillowman'

10. What was the playwrights purpose

11. Treatment for depression and how they can improve their life

Suicide

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death. Risk factors include mental disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorders, alcoholism, or substance misuse. Others are impulsive acts due to stress such as from financial difficulties, troubles with relationships, or from bullying. Those who have previously attempted suicide are at higher risk for future attempts. Suicide prevention efforts include limiting access to method of suicide, such as firearms and poisons, treating mental disorders and substance misuse, proper media reporting of suicide, and improving economic conditions. Although crisis hotlines are common, there is little evidence for their effectiveness.

The most commonly used method of suicide varies between countries, and is partly related to the availability of effective means. Common methods include hanging, pesticide poisoning, and firearms. Suicide resulted in 842,000 deaths globally in 2013 (up from 712,000 deaths in 1990). This makes it the 10th leading cause of death worldwide.

Approximately 0.5% to 1.4% of people die by suicide, about 12 per 100,000 persons per year. Three quarters of suicides globally occur in the developing world. Rates of completed suicides are generally higher in men than in women, ranging from 1.5 times as much in the developing world to 3.5 times in the developed world. Suicide is generally most common among those over the age of 70; however, in certain countries those aged between 15 and 30 are at highest risk. here are an estimated 10 to 20 million non-fatal attempted suicides every year. Non-fatal suicide attempts may lead to injury and long-term disabilities. In the Western world, attempts are more common in young people and females.

Views on suicide have been influenced by broad existential themes such as religion, honor, and the meaning of life. The Abrahamic religions traditionally consider suicide an offense towards God due to the belief in the sanctity of life. During the samurai era in Japan, a form of suicide known as seppuku was respected as a means of making up for failure or as a form of protest. Sati, a practice outlawed by the British Raj, expected the Indian widow to kill herself on her husband's funeral fire, either willingly or under pressure from the family and society. Suicide and attempted suicide, while previously illegal, are no longer in most Western countries. It remains a criminal offense in many countries. In the 20th and 21st centuries, suicide has been used on rare occasions as a form of protest, and kamikaze and suicide bombings have been used as a military or terrorist tactic. The word is from the Latin suicide, which means "the killing of oneself".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide  (11 May 2017)

Depression

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings, and sense of well-being.

People with a depressed mood can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, angry, ashamed, or restless. They may lose interest in activities that were once pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions, experience relationship difficulties and may contemplate, attempt or commit suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems, or reduced energy may also be present.

Depressed mood is a feature of some psychiatric syndromes such as major depressive disorder, but it may also be a normal temporary reaction to life events such as bereavement, a symptom of some bodily ailments or a side effect of some drugs and medical treatments. A DSM diagnosis distinguishes an episode (or 'state') of depression from the habitual (or 'trait') depressive symptoms someone can experience as part of their personality.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood) (8 May 2017)

 I researched online to how teenagers could be facing depression and their problems.

There are multiple reasons why a teenager might become depressed. For Example, teens can develop feelings of worthless and inadequacy over their grades. School performances, social status with peers, sexual orientation, or family life can each have a major effect on how a teen feels. Sometimes, teen depression  may result from environmental stress. But whatever the cause, when friends or family - or things that the teens usually enjoys - don't help to improve his or her sadness or sense of isolation, there's a good chance that he or she has teen depression.

What are the symptoms of teen depression?

Often, kids with depression will have a noticeable change in their thinking and behavior. They may have no motivation and even become withdrawn, closing their bedrooms door after school and staying in their room for hours.

Kids that are depressed may sleep excessively, have a change in eating habitats, and may even exhibit criminal behaviors such as DUI or shoplifting.

A downward trend in performance at school or college.

 ·         Change in personal hygiene and appearance.

·         Destructive and/or defiant behaviour.

·         Hallucinations or unusual beliefs.

·         Appetite or weight has changed considerably (has lost or gained a substantial amount of weight)

·         May appear restless, agitated (pacing, wringing hands) or has slowed down (e.g., spends hours staring in front, finds it hard to move)

·         Has lost a lot of energy, complains of feeling tired all the time.

·         Complaints of feeling guilty or worthless ('everything is my fault', 'I am bad')

·         Belief that life is not worth living.

 A STORY SHARED FROM A PERSON THAT WAS DEPRESSED

Amy shares her experience of living with depression.

Depression... it just eats you up from the inside out. It’s like a monster inside your head that takes over. The worst thing is to know that my family and friends were doing all they could yet I still felt so lonely. Anything that was said to me, I managed to turn into a bad thing. I was literally my own worst enemy. I would come home and feel so exhausted from all of the voices in my head that I would just sleep to block it all out. I didn’t want to wake up because living was a nightmare. I felt sick with the fear of night time because that’s when the voices got even louder. I would get so frustrated because it seemed impossible to sleep, as if insomnia and depression go hand in hand.

I knew I needed help but asking for it just made me feel like a burden. I wanted to be free of meds, doctors, counselors, hospitals and negative thoughts. I felt as if I had lost myself and wouldn’t ever be the same again. I had no motivation to do anything because I couldn't see a future for myself. Anxiety caused me to believe everyone was faking their love for me. ‘Cheer up’ was the worst thing anyone said to me. Those two words triggered thousands of horrible thoughts and I was beating myself up for not hiding how I felt well enough from everyone around me. 

I wanted everyone to know how I felt but I didn’t dare tell them. Eventually I just isolated myself in my room because no contact with people meant nothing could go wrong, surely? 

At the moment I rely on medication and I am grateful to have it because I know it has really helped me. At the same time, I balance the wish that I could be free of it with the fear that it might lead to a relapse.

The scariest thing about my whole recovery process is that the only person who can truly help me is me. I have learnt to change my thought processes and stop bullying myself, it's a habbit that's been hard to break but I know I've made some positive changes.

2013 was a rollercoaster ride and admittedly one with more lows than highs. I feel I have been to hell and back but would I change what I have been through? If I was to be totally honest I don’t think I would. That doesn’t mean that depression is a good thing because it definitely isn’t, but I believe you must turn your negative experiences into positive ones if you can.

If I hadn't been through these things I wouldn’t have learnt that the most important thing in life is to be happy. I have now received all of my university offers to study football business and I can now see a future. I hope to build a career in something that I love, something that will make ME happy, not focusing on what others want from me.

If I was to give one piece of advice to others who are struggling, it would be not to suffer in silence. There are people out there who have been through everything that you are experiencing and have come out on the other side. In fact, their experiences have made them who they are today. It may seem impossible to overcome but believe me, you will get there. 

You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way you do because depression is an illness like any other, it isn’t any more self centered than having a broken leg. I was always told to show myself the same respect and concern that I would show for others. We are so accepting of other parts of our bodies breaking, why can't we be that way about our minds to.

-Amy

https://mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/living-with-depression-my-experience/#.WRz0F9IrLIU  (14/02/2014)

Another Story from a female called Kristin

My parents divorced when I was two, and I essentially lost my father. My mother and my sister and I moved across the country to live with my grandparents, and I only saw my father every few years when I was growing up. My mom remarried when I was almost four to the wonderful man I consider my real father, and who has been there for us one hundred percent ever since. However, the loss of my biological father had profound effects on my personality. Many people who suffer depression lose a parent early in life, either to death, divorce or abandonment. I don’t know if I would have suffered from depression without that early loss; perhaps my depression is wholly chemical. I do know that the only picture of me as a child which shows me laughing was taken before my father left. Every picture taken afterward shows a solemn child who smiles only diffidently.

As a teenager I was moody and self-absorbed. Of course, that’s considered to be common for teenagers, so my behaviour was written off as normal. Unfortunately, I also had no interest in school, sports, clubs, etc. Part of it was the fog that was beginning to descend over my mind from time to time and part of it was a fear of failing in anything new. The only time I felt good about myself was when a boy was chasing after me. Of course the flip side of that was that a rejection from a boy I was interested in sent me into a black mood, unable to do anything but cry. Occasionally I thought of going to a psychiatrist and saying, “help me” but in that scenario I also saw rejection. I pictured the doctor saying, “There’s nothing wrong with you – why are you wasting my time when I could be seeing people who really have problems?”

My college years for the most part were relatively free of depression. I was much more social, and with the exception of being expelled for one semester due to a lack of interest in my classes, I was more motivated academically. Until what I think of as the “black hole time” – what was probably my first major depression? I was in my last semester of school, worrying about finding a job in time so that I could stay in Boston with my boyfriend, and panicking over the prospect of being entirely on my own. The semester before I had been raped by a male friend, and this may have been a trigger. 

My moodiness got worse and worse, and I was constantly fighting with my boyfriend, through no fault of his. In my mind, I vividly saw myself teetering on the edge of a bottomless black hole. I felt that if I fell in, I would never stop falling. In desperation I went to the walk-in clinic of a local hospital and told the doctor that I thought I had very bad PMS. I described my symptoms, and he told me to keep a record of my moods. I promised to do so, but I was in no shape to follow through. I could barely get my schoolwork done, and certainly didn’t have the energy to keep a log on top of that. I found out years later that he had made a notation concerning possible depression in my file, and that he would follow up with me. He didn’t get in touch with me again, probably because I graduated a few weeks later.

The next few years I went in and out of major and minor depressive episodes, although I didn’t recognise either for what they were. I remember a few periods of doing nothing but dragging myself to work and, in my free time, reading romance novels. My roommates would try to coax me into going out and bar-hopping (which I normally loved), but I just didn’t feel like it.


A video showing how it feels to be depressed;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4G2NXsuYyM

 The Play Pillowman

The Pillowman is a 2003 play by Irish playwright Martin McDonagh. It received its first public reading in an early version at the Finborough Theatre, London, in 1995.

First performance: 13 November 2003

Characters: Katurian; Tupolski; Ariel; Michal

Playwright: Martin McDonagh

Genre: Black comedy

Composer: Paddy Cunneen

Place premiered: London

Katurian, a writer of short stories that often depict violence against children, has been arrested by two detectives, Ariel and Tupolski, because some of his stories resemble recent child murders. When he hears that his brother Michal has confessed to the murders and implicated Katurian, he resigns himself to his execution but attempts to save his stories from destruction. The play contains both narrations and reenactments of several of Katurian's stories, including the autobiographical "The Writer and the Writer's Brother", which tells how Katurian developed his disturbed imagination by hearing the sounds of Michal being tortured by their parents.

13th - 16th REHEARSALS FOR 'THE PILLOWMAN'

Monday: I started English at 11:15. We were working on Spontaneous and Written Speech. We had to write about OBAMA'S  'Yes We Can' Speech. We were writing about how the speech was directed to the audience and what type of impact did he have. We wrote a draft about a written speech and the differences between spontaneous and written speeches.

Then we had Acting at 1:30 pm with Sharon. We were working with our group. Firstly we started with the objectives, we done our objectives for each line, and we had to say the lines with emotions as if we are the actual character. I done my objectives for each paragraph and then I done it for each line, therefore its easier for me to know what I'm doing and to see that I'm ready for the show. We then started memorizing the lines by heart, and then I told Stephanie to help me out with the lines. I had learned about 90% of the whole monologue. I know the script by heart but I would mess up some lines which I need to work with it.

Chris then told us to perform it all together, we all had learned our lines which we were really impressed. As we went through the whole play we would help each other if we saw something that could be done better or be improved.

On the last half an hour of the lesson, Sharon told our group to rehears in the theatre.

We set up the theatre the way we though it would look the best for our play. We used props such as a chair to represent the table and the bed. We pulled the curtains to the side and made the theatre pretty much into half of the space. We got to use the actual space of the theatre that we needed. We, in a way are ready and know what to do and make the performance really good. We know how much space we need and the types of props we need. We were also thinking about our costumes, which we need to have double costume, because one, I will wear the first one and the second costume will hang down in the stage when the pillow man kills me and when the stage blacks out.

We then went through the play again. Joseph was really ill, and he still performed his best and done really well. Josephs character is the angriest character and my character is the most depressed character because in the play, no one likes me, not even my parents.

During the rehearsals we would always help each other with the scenes, I'm really impressed with my group because they are all really helpful and they always get on with their work.

When I was performing, I had known my lines, which then I was looking for the objectives of the lines. Why was I saying those lines? what's the reason for it? Is my character really emotional during this performance? what made him emotional?... During the rehearsals I would always think about those and the 5 W's.

On Tuesday: We started the lesson at 11:00AM, downstairs in the DANCE STUDIO. Our group had the full company therefore we went in  the next room because it was empty. We then started with our play. I went first, We used YOGA matts to represent the tables, desk chair and the bed. I was happy with my monologue because I've learned it by heart. Chris the director, told me to work with my movements. 'DONT JUST WALK AROUND' walk when its meant to walk, because my character is the most depressed character. When I talk about my family and how they treat me, its really emotional because I love my parents but they don't love me at all, if anything they hate me so much for no reason, and not just them, no one likes me, I haven't done anything to anyone. Its like, I'm not meant to be happy, not even one day.

During my scene, I don't move a lot, I stay seated most of the time, and when I do stand up and when I get a little angry, its when I mention Jonah and his friends because they made my life hell.

Joseph and Stephanie had the same thing as well, move less, but know when to move and make sure it makes sense.

We then done the 1-10 emotion challenge. From 1 to 10. How emotional can you get. Like, 1 your not emotional at all, if you had anger you would shout a little and how it goes up you shout a little more, and 10 being the highest one. This was really helpful because it gives and idea of where your character could be.

6th - 9th March REHEARSALS FOR 'THE PILLOWMAN'

On Monday, we started our lesson in room K222. We went to our group and we were missing one person because he was filling ill. We then discussed on what we were going to work today so that we would get on with our work. Our group chose to do 'OBJECTIVES'. Meaning, why you saying the line/sentence like that, how are you feeling at the moment?, what's your expressions and things like that. I went through my script and as I was reading through, I kept asking myself how depressed is my character feeling at this moment, or, what's his mood and how he's feeling at the moment. I then started saying my lines as if I was the actual character and I read through my whole script. We then discussed with the group what we done and then we had a short run through with myself and Stephanie while Chris was observing us.

Chris then told us to tell the background of our character. I'm playing the character Dylan Ibra.

My background was;

'When I was born, my father wanted the first child to be a daughter. I still don't know the reason behind me, but yeah, he preferred a daughter first. When my mum gave birth to me, he found out that their first child was a boy, and ever since then he didn't like me at all. He was not surprised at all, my dad never loved me at all. Everything started since then. As I grew up, I was never able to talk to my dad, I would come home from school and go straight upstairs in my room. My dad would always watch football and he would take all his anger on me. He loves the Arsenal team and every time they lose, its like I'm his boxing punching bag, he takes all the anger out on me. He will leave me bleeding on the floor and he will not worry for me at all.

Then in year 7, that's when I met this person called 'Jonah'. Jonah was the best male sports man. He was always really athletic and everyone loved him. I hated sports especially 'football' all because of my dad and the experience I had with him. I remember it was during P.E (physical education) my class was going to play football, and I denied from playing it because I wasn't really interested to play. I see Jonah coming towards me aggravated, asking me why I'm not playing and calling me names and that I'm not a man if I don't play football. I already had enough of my dad beating me about football, I didn't want another person to enter that lifestyle to make me feel bad about sports. Therefore, I pushed him back, and his friends came to help, he stopped all of them and took of his shirt. I was ready to fight him because I didn't want to let him ruin me like that. As I swung towards him he blocked my punch, and he punched me on my face and kicked me in my stomach. I had a busted lip and a black eye. When  I got home, my dad was mad at me because he didn't want his son to lose no fight, he wanted his son to be a man and fight back. He then punched me on my face and pushed me away. I was crying and sobbing on the floor in a pile of blood thinking how my life got to the position it is now. As my dad walked away he turned around and said 'YOU USELESS SHIT' and he walked off. I run upstairs and started crying and I fell asleep. Everyday Jonah had bullied me till year 11, not only that but coming home with a bruised face did not help my dad seeing it. Instead of helping me, he would hit me as well for not fighting Jonah back. He would always push me and kick me around. He gave me bruises everywhere in my body. I ALWAYS THOUGH ABOUT ENDING IT ALL. It will never hurt anyone, everyone would be at peace and so would I'.

On Tuesday, we came to the dance floor and my group was not in. I took my script our and started memorizing my lines. As I would go through them, I would think about Dylan's impression and his mood, how would he be at that moment and how would he feel. I kept reading my script for about 20 minutes, then Stephanie came from my group. We done line learning and she had learn the whole script by heart which I was really amazed. I had learned about 3/4 of the script. We then started to act on how we would do it when we say the lines. (DON'T JUST SAY THE LINES WIHTOUT ANY MEANING). We went over our script couple times and we learned the lines a little bit better. I also annotated some lines to how the character DYLAN would feel and react when saying his lines.

 Especially when DYLAN mentions JONAH, he hates him so much because he made his life hell because DYLAN wasn't into sports much, and Jonah things all boys should be interested in sports.